*Please comment only on this and previous chapters to avoid spoiling.
Not much happening here. Move along. I had problems with a specific transition section even though I had the other scenarios written out, so I’m just a little unhappy with that part of it… Just doesn’t feel right (yeah, the lame narration voice doesn’t help much). Whether or not there will be a rewrite of that section depends on if I get a better idea for the transition. Comment on lame narrative summary: I cut out a HUGE amount of flashback material, so I had to explain stuff another way; kept Natsuki’s bit because it was cuter. :P Anyway—
Another talky chapter. Uhhh…. hope it went okay. Crafting in-character dialogue for five talking heads and trying to add decent narration with flashback is difÃcil. Oh, okay, pretty much Shizuru did all the talking, I guess. [Is beaten by Haruka]–But really, I don’t know if all the details Shizuru gave make sense because I don’t know how business works culturally over in Japan. A minor detail. [“Ara, what do you mean? Would you like me to explain again? -twinkle- Please take a seat.” –Shizuru]
Yep, I had to move away from people calling Shizuru “kaichou-san/sama” because of the circumstances I tried to build. Too bad. [“About damn time!!” –Haruka] If I had the time, I would rebuild Mai-HiME Yukino to Otome Yukino, whom I liked.
Hm, what the shet is Nari for? :P I have a personality and role in mind, but whether or not I can portray it convincingly is another matter entirely. We’ll see. If her presentation fails in the future, um… sorry? Yeah. Lynch only with donuts, please.
I don’t know if Japanese schools have Western toilets these days instead of squatters. EDIT:(ifuritka) Okay, I just don’t remember most of the episodes prior to about 19-20. At least there wasn’t any conflict. ;) **Edit2: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_toilet For some inexplicable reason, I didn’t think of checking this; on the other hand, I already know the general details about the different types and where they’re generally found, but it was just the question of schools–and Fuuka is a private school. In any case, (1) that Wiki article has WAY too much detail, including the gross and blush kinds, and (2) I’m still going with the Fuuka Rule I mentioned down there in the comments. Ha!
And now people know what all that [click]ing was. It wasn’t difficult to guess, though. But who are these bums, man?! It was a little difficult to describe this scene because I was actually visualizing it (animated) mostly obstructed from the viewer. Uh.
Four chapters into this writing experiment, and I have to say that it’s been quite educational. I suspect really long flashback sequences are a bad idea, so I’ll have to work my way around that in the future.
Tired of angst? Well, too bloody bad.