Reminder: Don’t read the Notes before reading the actual fic chapter.
*Please comment only on this and previous chapters to avoid spoiling.
This ended up talky again. Demn it. Bleghy talky.
Did you know that the Japanese health care + hospital system is quite different from the American? Still, I didn’t add much detail despite the research I did for that setting because I think it would kill the pace. Sorry if the procedural/dialogue stuff feels off; I’m not the medical type (didn’t even watch ER ^^;).
*I couldn’t decide whether to write names in the typical Japanese surname-given order or not. I suppose the reader has to be smart enough to figure it out.
**Skipping notes about the disease until next chapter because I set up the test for the subsequent day. But here’s the section about how I went “disease shopping” at the beginning of the story:
(1) It had to be native to at least Japan and unknown in the Western hemisphere; (2) there had to be enough danger, but a majority survival rate; (3) the symptoms had to be fairly generic at the onset; (4) can’t be contagious since I didn’t want Natsuki getting sick; (5) symptoms should occur some reasonable period of time after the vector event to avoid too much suspicion; (6) there had to be enough variety in symptom manifestation that I could fudge stuff.
Now, onto the “important” stuff: I’ve decided that Natsuki has mild nosocomephobia due to personal experience, and Shizuru is aware of this. That’s pretty logical, I think.
I know there’s a lot of risk when introducing new characters, but all I can say is that going into either Shizuru’s or Natsuki’s backstory would require at least a partial new cast; this is especially true for Shizuru because she had essentially no backstory in the anime. Hope I can build these people convincingly… I’m considering making a “description” post later on with images so people can visualize who they are. The nice thing about fanfics is that characters are usually pre-built, so you really don’t have to go into much physical description, I guess.
Critique: 1.5 is supposed to be the halfway point for the first part. It’s also the first chapter, I think, where not a lot happens between the main characters, so there’s little character development on that front; this was more to move the plot itself along. I encourage critiques about technical merit, style, voice, realism, pace etc. etc. (But I won’t entertain personal opinions about actual story devices–e.g. “I hate stories that use this to do this”–because there’s no guarantee that that’s my intent, right? But you can say that a flashback device doesn’t work so well before/after something, for instance.) Honestly, after five chapters of this experiment, I think I least enjoy writing dialogue. :P
Blanket (5/14 10:20):
I’m glad people so far think I’m handling the old characters and their personalities correctly. Yay. :)
Just a little more medical-type dialogue for the next chapter, and I think I’ll be home free. (Blegh)