1.5 NOTES

natsuki
Reminder: Don’t read the Notes before reading the actual fic chapter.

*Please comment only on this and previous chapters to avoid spoiling.

This ended up talky again. Demn it. Bleghy talky.

Did you know that the Japanese health care + hospital system is quite different from the American? Still, I didn’t add much detail despite the research I did for that setting because I think it would kill the pace. Sorry if the procedural/dialogue stuff feels off; I’m not the medical type (didn’t even watch ER ^^;).

*I couldn’t decide whether to write names in the typical Japanese surname-given order or not. I suppose the reader has to be smart enough to figure it out.

**Skipping notes about the disease until next chapter because I set up the test for the subsequent day. But here’s the section about how I went “disease shopping” at the beginning of the story:

(1) It had to be native to at least Japan and unknown in the Western hemisphere; (2) there had to be enough danger, but a majority survival rate; (3) the symptoms had to be fairly generic at the onset; (4) can’t be contagious since I didn’t want Natsuki getting sick; (5) symptoms should occur some reasonable period of time after the vector event to avoid too much suspicion; (6) there had to be enough variety in symptom manifestation that I could fudge stuff.

Now, onto the “important” stuff: I’ve decided that Natsuki has mild nosocomephobia due to personal experience, and Shizuru is aware of this. That’s pretty logical, I think.

I know there’s a lot of risk when introducing new characters, but all I can say is that going into either Shizuru’s or Natsuki’s backstory would require at least a partial new cast; this is especially true for Shizuru because she had essentially no backstory in the anime. Hope I can build these people convincingly… I’m considering making a “description” post later on with images so people can visualize who they are. The nice thing about fanfics is that characters are usually pre-built, so you really don’t have to go into much physical description, I guess.

Critique: 1.5 is supposed to be the halfway point for the first part. It’s also the first chapter, I think, where not a lot happens between the main characters, so there’s little character development on that front; this was more to move the plot itself along. I encourage critiques about technical merit, style, voice, realism, pace etc. etc. (But I won’t entertain personal opinions about actual story devices–e.g. “I hate stories that use this to do this”–because there’s no guarantee that that’s my intent, right? But you can say that a flashback device doesn’t work so well before/after something, for instance.) Honestly, after five chapters of this experiment, I think I least enjoy writing dialogue. :P


Blanket (5/14 10:20):

I’m glad people so far think I’m handling the old characters and their personalities correctly. Yay. :)
Just a little more medical-type dialogue for the next chapter, and I think I’ll be home free. (Blegh)

Next chapter: 1.6

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37 thoughts on “1.5 NOTES”

  1. hum… I liked this chapter a lot.

    Fun insight into the characters and PLOT! YOU HAVE ME WORRIED!

    -whibbles- write more so I can not worry about poor Kaichou-sama anymore!

    1. Huh, that was…. quick. ^^; You may want to skim again since I probably made some edits while you were reading, like removing stuff I thought I cut out already. (Haha, I honestly didn’t expect anyone to get to it on a Saturday morning–but more importantly, I should probably make a locked post first so I can read it over again myself. I noticed that I definitely catch more mistakes after upload, so I have to take back my earlier complaint about the <p> formatting adding line breaks. Line breaks do make things easier to read after all. O_O)

  2. Some people are alive on Saturaday mornings…more or less. Except I was, or am, about to go to sleep after pulling an all nighter, yet again. But I saw this update so…

    Anyways, this was another well written chapter. I find some educating things as I read sometimes, and that’s definitely a plus. The way you have the characters handling their mental/physical issues reflect their characterization/personal logic well. Poor Shizuru, but good suspense! I wish I had something intelligent thing to say, but I need to pass out now. Sun’s been up for over three hours T_T

  3. nice work once again, and u are very good at dialogue, which not many people can pull of well, especially for Shiz. i’m still curious as to what exactly she has though.

  4. Heh, I actually usually skim the medical-type dialogues in fanfic because they usually sound either horribly misinformed or copy-pasted from Wikipedia or something. I didn’t skim here, however, because you did a great job with that. And you’ve got me very curious. :)

    This chapter also really showed how well you’re writing the dynamic between Natsuki and Shizuru, probably because you have them so perfectly in character. And Natsuki’s phobia of hospitals seems pretty fitting to me.

    Can’t wait for the next chapter.

  5. hm…well i have a lot of respect for you. you do your research and you made it so all of it fits without some kind of oddness. i’m waiting for this to pan out now…

  6. Known only in Japan, huh? That would explain why I couldn’t think of anything. Don’t worry, I won’t faint from hunger. Dinner’s not for a couple hours yet. I was thinking in advance. I’m glad you didn’t post text on SA, it would have been annoying. I also can’t stand the background. (on SA) Pink=hard to read. Kind of.
    You’re doing very well with the dialog. It’s not going over my head, at least, and it’s fun to read.
    ~Naolin

  7. Hehe, I think it’s kind of funny how you keep saying how “this chapter turned out talky”, when I find a lot of fiction being fairly talky… especially since you’re of the mind that character development > plot.

    If you have loads of action, you won’t need so much talkiness… but that just reminds me of lame action movies where the dialogue is so lame that you’d just rather they blow stuff up and start hitting each other the whole two hours.

    Mind, works can be perfectly fine and wonderful without talkiness, but it just reminds me of that, is all.

    And yeah, changing the Nari -san/-sama inconsistency is easier if you just do the flashback instead of making everything “consistent” as far as the whole thing goes.

    Hah, then you must find a lot of fangirls annoying. Since it’s kind of hard to not be overly jealous/fawning/zealous or something for a fangirl. =)

    And just out of curiosity, what other sort of writing do you do? I mean, you can’t really know how to write without writing. *pause* Am I incorrect in remembering you mentioning how your writing was college level (or higher?) before you went to high school? I can’t remember. I have a really, really bad memory.

    Natsuki came a stop on the street a ways off the sidewalk

    Came to a stop?

    Eh, there’s this other point that I don’t think really needs me mentioning it since… well, I mean the “?!”. It’s non-standard, yeah, but I guess there’s no real way to convey that with anything else, short of using actual words.

    And yay, I like how Shizuru’s only thinking of Natsuki and her nosocomephobia even though she’s in pain.

    “Make sure this doesn’t fall out,” she instructed Nasuki. “All right, can you hear and understand me, Shizuru-san?” Yoko gently touched the girl’s cheek.

    The doctor’s plum-colored, fluffy hair waved loosely below her ears, lending her an easy-going impression. Shizuru nodded as evenly as she could. “I’m going to ask you some questions.”

    Eh, I don’t think that really fits in right there, that description. And I suppose people are supposed to know who she is? Or you could stick that little descriptive sentence elsewhere, where the “easy-going impression” is actually more relevant to the situation? By the way, why is she referring to Shizuru as “Shizuru-san”? Wouldn’t it be more “Fujino-san”? I don’t know. I can barely remember these things. -___-

    Natsuki’s heart fell. If Shizuru was tired, it was the combination of meetings, tutoring, and generally taking care of Natsuki and their apartment. Of this, Natsuki was keenly aware. She felt angry at herself, however, for not being keenly aware of Shizuru’s health. She knew the elder girl was tired, but…

    =)

    Natsuki’s hand stiffened slightly around Shizuru’s.

    Eh… how would that work? o.o The stiffening, I mean. If you said Natsuki stiffened, that would work, but Shizuru wouldn’t really “know” she stiffened, I suppose. What if Natsuki gripped Shizuru’s hand a little more tightly?

    Oh, and I’ve been wondering… how did Natsuki end up getting Shizuru’s case?
    I think Natsuki would be concerned with Shizuru’s well being and would not be worrying over a case. In all likelihood, she would’ve forgotten about it completely. Yoko on the other hand, may remember… only if she knew Shizuru had her case, though.

    So… I don’t know how that would work out.

    This doctor claims to know Shizuru’s family, so I guess that’s fine.

    Is that very Natsuki-like? I mean, yeah, if someone asks you whether Natsuki could be classified as “supsicious” or not, it’d definitely be a yes, but she’s also kind of naïve, so… I don’t know.
    It kind of feels like you just want readers to be suspicious of the doctor.

    Her dark brows gathered with determination.

    Erm… I don’t know, “gathered” sounds kind of weird. “Knitted”, perhaps?

    1. Gee, there isn’t a lot of things to comment on! Should I be glad of that or not? =P Good job, anyway. The medical stuff’s okay, too. I mean, doctors should use words that can be understood by the layperson, no? “Jargonise” speech and might as well as not say anything at all!

      Oh, great. I’m over by 29 characters. -____- Well, more now, since I added this little blurb in.
      -I

    2. Well, I know proper character-developing fiction should be talky. I’m just whining a lot because I don’t like writing dialogue. :P

      > what other sort of writing do you do?
      …Lab reports? Research papers… ^_^; This is my first attempt at any sort of fiction prose. What I did write elsewhere is that I used to read a lot of fiction. I don’t now, but as a young ‘un, I was the quintessential bookworm (hence reading level). I wrote a few poems in high school, too, but that was about it. I’m of the mind that you can get a good head start on writing if you just read a lot (of preferably good stuff).

      Yes, “came to a stop”–missing a word there. I suspect most readers’ eyes just added it automatically? ^_^; About the “?!”–I think a group of people tried to combine it into an official punctuation mark, but no one accepted it as standard. Oh well.

      > Yoko’s description
      Yeah, that seems a little out of place there. Easily moved. Again about the naming thing–I’m not positive myself. I’m going off comments to that research post, actually. I’d have to find the actual scenes where Yoko talks to any student (uh, no time for that). If she says Mai-san, for example, then I’d use Shizuru-san.

      > keenly aware
      This redundancy was actually intended, I guess. ^^;

      > Shizuru’s case
      Actually, I just had Natsuki remember to get it; or perhaps Shizuru asked for it. Either way, I fix that easily if I just have Natsuki initially forget her helmet on top of the case (retaining wall scene).

      > This doctor claims to know…
      Natsuki is trying to convince herself there; she’s ticking off the reasons not to panic. Note the reasoning before that, though–Yoko does vouch for the doctor as well. …Of course, that doesn’t necessarily mean Natsuki is wrong about being suspicious, either. :P

      1. Yeah, I agree with you on that, with reading and writing being linked really closely. But I’m also of the mind that there has to be at least a bit of raw talent/skill in being able to retain, say, some figures of speech or other literary devices in a subconscious manner.

        I find it deathly boring if I had to go through something for the simple purpose of looking for said devices. *grins* Sometimes I start spouting things that I normally wouldn’t even say just because it feels “right” and because I’ve read it millions of times in books and such.

        Have you realised a lot of book summaries are the same? Especially the mystery ones. It’s quite sad, really.

        And yeah, I heard that there was a bunch of people who tried to put “?!” together, but I don’t think such attempts would be that successful, namely because no one’s going to suddenly add an obscure punctuation mark onto the keyboard or as a “special character” just like that. The only reason I’ve learnt the QWERTY keyboard, I suppose, is because it’d be economic suicide to be the first bunch of people to change keyboards into a more organised one. I think I’ve heard people improve by around 20 W.P.M. just by using a different type?

        And hey, you getting Yoko to call everyone by first name is alright. Yoko referred to Takumi as “Takumi-kun”. (I just looked over an episode and saw that.)

        Yukino reminds me too much of Shimako, because, well, it’s the same seiyuu. -___- I admit I like her voice, but I didn’t particularly like Shimako or Yukino. Come to think of it, I didn’t like Sei all that much either. =P (Pardon me if you haven’t watched Maria-sama ga Miteru though.)

        Chiba Saeko wins, though. =)
        As does Shindou Naomi.

        Kyoto-ben!

        Yes, I am addicted to the scrolling text. And not-so-subtly trying to convert you also.

        And oh yeah, I went to look up Fia on Google… so does Nari have that headband thing too?

        (Wow, I’m listening to the Mai-HiME soundtrack and it’s almost making me feel nostalgic…)

        1. Oh, I wrote a lot of book report-type things and essays in school, too, I guess. And honestly, I haven’t read enough (fiction) books lately to remember what the back summaries are like. ^^;

          > And yeah, I heard that there was a bunch of people who tried to put “?!” together, but I don’t think such attempts would be that successful, namely because no one’s going to suddenly add an obscure punctuation mark onto the keyboard or as a “special character” just like that. The only reason I’ve learnt the QWERTY keyboard, I suppose, is because it’d be economic suicide to be the first bunch of people to change keyboards into a more organised one. I think I’ve heard people improve by around 20 W.P.M. just by using a different type?

          I think it was more about the purists or something being against new punctuation rather than the practicality on keyboard systems; I mean, using Windows’ ALT+ keys to create accents and stuff isn’t too difficult (but a pain in the ass unless you change the language layout). It could probably be mapped to a couple keystrokes. But if you’ve seen the actual combined symbol for ?!, oh, that bugger is ugly and difficult to discern in some typefaces. ^_^; As for improving wpm, I think that applies to both DVORAK and simple layout changes like the split keyboard. I think I type fast enough on a normal keyboard and have never had wrist problems, though.

          First names! Ha! :P
          And I’ve never seen Maria, either. There aren’t too many characters that I dislike just out of voice talent, though. Fia–Nari’s headband (see 1.8).

          Okay, young ladymanthing, anymore scrolling text out of you and I’ll have to start deleting comments! >:F

          1. Okay, young ladymanthing, anymore scrolling text out of you and I’ll have to start deleting comments! >:F

            *cough* You may want to reevaluate that threat. There are… things that I can do. *buffs nails and smirks smugly*
            *grins*
            *snigger*

            Oooooh, rightrightright. *reads 1.8 and nods*
            I just don’t remember things very well even if I’m reading it. It’s mostly this feeling of “I like this!” or “… this is stupid” and I guess the enjoyment is the reading process, the feelings that the writing evokes, and so on.

            I think what made me kind of “huh…?” was how I didn’t find Fia particularly attractive. And I still don’t know whether she’s pretty or not, and whether she’s into self-castigation or not.
            *nudges the author of “Syncope” repeatedly*

            Oh, you misunderstand me. I suppose I don’t like Yukino’s voice (i.e. her seiyuu’s voice) too much because it reminds me of Shimako, from Maria-sama ga Miteru, and I didn’t like her character all that much. Mostly because she (Shimako) was more or less in love with Sei, and I didn’t like Sei, mostly because of how she was made out to have a really “tragic” past while I was more or less scoffing at it.

            And I suppose it didn’t help because I didn’t particularly like Yukino’s character either, sort of because she was in love with Haruka, and I didn’t like Haruka, mostly because of her homophobia and rather boisterous nature.

            Which reminds me of how I absolutely hated Natsuki until she redeemed herself at the end.
            –> So I went from liking Natsuki a lot (from the beginning till about the tea house thing) then to hating her (from the revelation to Natsuki fighting Shizuru) then back to liking her after she redeemed herself.

            P.S. You know the “behind the screen” scene? Do you think Shizuru “had her way” with Natsuki like that, or do you think that it was purely a figment of Natsuki’s imagination?

            1. I’m very nonthreatened. ^_~
              Re: Nari // “pretty”: I’ll be doing some more major edits in the first few chapters anyway, so just deal with it until then. And no poking! :P

              Ahh, seiyuu and character stuff–yeah, I misunderstood. Well, I have no opinion, mostly because I don’t know that series. ^_^;

              You hated Natsuki? O_O ^_^;;; I don’t see why Natsuki had to “redeem” herself… Eh, but I’m really absolutely not going to get into that discussion. :P As for That Scene™, well, you’ll just have to wait to see what I think about that. Right. Working on that description post.

              1. You hated Natsuki? O_O

                I know, I know… but it’s just that it came across really, really negatively, the way she just pushed Shizuru away. So Shizuru shouldn’t have kissed Natsuki, but Natsuki just… reacted all too violently to it. It wasn’t even that, I suppose.

                It was just how Natsuki was pulling the “ew-you’re-a-lesbian-so-you’re-depraved-and-you-raped-me” thing. It just left a bitter aftertaste that I can’t explain. And I thought it was all too high-and-mighty of Natsuki to order Shizuru around not to engage Yukino, and Haruka, in a way.

                If Natsuki had an ounce of feeling inside her, she should have realised how… ludicrous it all was. Shizuru was, ultimately, content to just stay in the background, protecting Natsuki whenever she could. Though she hurt so much inside, she never showed it. She never bothered Natsuki with it, and made sure that it never came up between them.

                And with Natsuki crossing her arms around her chest when Shizuru reached out for her– both physically and emotionally– Natsuki shrank back with that look on her face, and didn’t even look Shizuru in the eyes. And I thought that Shizuru, with tears streaming down her face, and then after that brief moment of vulnerablity– she forced herself to hardened herself to that hurt.

                It was insanely clichéd to get Shizuru to go psycho, but the extent of that pain, that rejection… that’s not even remotely funny, or lame ha ha ha as far as that goes.

                Natsuki put that hurt in Shizuru’s heart.
                Yes, Shizuru teared the First District apart.
                Yes, she killed off Diana and Juliet and effectively made two HiMEs’ Most Important Person go sparkly.
                But it’s not even remotely near it being entirely her fault.

                What the hell did Natsuki wanted do for revenge, anyway?
                Invite everyone from the First District to karaoke and have them embarrass themselves by their own terrible singing and leave it at that?

                I never quite see the “moral” issue involved in these things– the driving force behind a protagonist is often “revenge” but some people insist on them realising that being vengeful would only make them “sink to their level” and not showing that he or she is “a better person”. Life isn’t about that. What is “the right thing to do”? There’s no such thing.

                Heh. My two cents’ worth, as far as that goes. Of course, I have, *cough*, a lot more to say, but… yeah.

                *grins sheepishly*
                I know you said you weren’t going to get into it and whatnot, but, eh, obviously, I wasn’t all too happy with that development in Mai-HiME. ^^;

                It also kind of felt like a cheap way of throwing them together at the end, and I am almost positive that they didn’t care whether or not it was in character. Props to someone who can make sense of it all. Which, of course, makes me feel kinda lazy since this Mai-HiME story idea’s been sitting in my head for all too long. But I’m liable to ignore “canonical references” if I feel that it’s just stupidity on Sunrise’s part. Sooooo… you’re far more diligent than me as far as that goes.

                And oho, I’ve made you reveal something that’s going to come up in a future instalment! (Go me!) I’m quite interested in seeing what your take on it is. I realise you’re probably not going to respond too much to my little… blurb up there, since that may give away your position on the issue for your future instalment. Annnd because of how you don’t want to get into this *cough* “discussion” that may get rather heated (in a civilised way).

                I know you don’t know Maria-sama ga Miteru, and consequently, don’t care all that much about it, but a point that I sort of want to make is how I just don’t like it when writers seem to pull things out of nowhere and try to make it work. It just… annoys me. Very, very much. (That was, unfortunately, what they did for the most part in Maria-sama ga Miteru.)


                Or maybe I’m just stupid and am not quite able to discern or interpret or understand the niceties of it.

                P.S. “Redeem” being a loosely used term. I always think it sounds so holier-than-thou when someone uses it in a personal context. =\

                  1. Eh? As in “I’m not going to even look at it” ignore?

                    I don’t quite get that.

                    Just wondering– wouldn’t it be quite possible for you to read it and not to respond to it? Or do you think that you’ll want to respond to it otherwise?

                  2. Or maybe that it’ll affect the way you’re planning to write it out?

                    I just don’t see the reasoning behind not looking at it.

                  3. Oh, I mean both–I’d have to respond (what would be the point of reading and not responding to “contention”?) and I don’t want to give away my position yet; and I don’t want to have to feel I need to “discuss,” “defend,” or “clarify” any such position in the actual fic. That would kind of suck. I kind of like how this writing process is somewhat black box for everyone, including me, you know. ^_~

                    1. Mm, I suppose that’d make sense.

                      It’s just that, well, I admit I would have trouble refraining from replying, but I’d still like to just… know what the other’s thinking. But it’s horrible for me if it throws my fanfiction out of whack.

                      In fact, I wrote fanfiction for a fandom that I knew NOTHING about (i.e. I never watched any canonical material) and then I found out I messed up on one aspect. So I shrugged and slapped an “AU” label on it. *grin*

                      And yes, I see what you mean about how it’d be undesirable to feel a need to “defend” or “clarify” it, instead of having it just sit there, as the truth, because as far as anyone is concerned, within “Syncope”, what you say is truth, is truth.

                      (Hehe, you’re omniscient and omnipotent. Feel the rush. =P )

                      *gleefully prods the author with the blunt end of Shizuru’s naginata despite “no poking!” comments*

                    2. Psst… you are going to read it afterwards, aren’t you though? After you write all existing parts of “Syncope” that may be affected by it, I mean.

                    3. Huh, writing something for a fandom you’ve never seen and getting only “one” thing wrong is actually impressive. ^_^;

                      Oh, I don’t feel like I have “all the power” at all. [points at Muse-chan, who is busily preening herself in the corner] T_T; Ow! Don’t poke me, poke Muse-chan.

                      And I’m not sure if I’ll go back to read&reply on the comment because you may find your answer in subsequent chapters anyway. Feel free to bring up points in the later chapter notes if you think I forgot something, though, since it’s kind of out of place for this chapter anyway. But I prefer factual “visual” points, not really “I think Natsuki must have been thinking/feeling this” points ^_^; since I’ll be writing that anyway (a lot of through Part 2). Does that make any sense? Maybe not… Really Sunrise didn’t give us that much to go on in a lot of the critical material of interest. It was rapidly becoming Natsuki/Shizuru story and not Mai’s, perhps. ;D

                      By the way, I haven’t read a lot of the arguments elsewhere, but I’m positive there’s a long forum thread about the whole Shizuru/Natsuki insane/fault/rape issues on SA. A forum seems like a better medium for that discussion because I’m not sure there’s ultimately a “correct” answer, given that we have to make a lot of assumptions either way. Syncope will merely be my interpretation. ^_^

                    4. *cough*
                      I don’t really like corresponding with illiterate people on the Internet. Glaring grammatical mistakes and misspellings drive me batty. (And me being “batty” really isn’t a good idea…)

                      Huh, writing something for a fandom you’ve never seen and getting only “one” thing wrong is actually impressive. ^_^;

                      The thing is, I go “backwards” for a great many fandoms. I usually come across the fanfiction and the fanart first, and then if it interests me, I go in search of the anime. Actually, now that I think about it, I would’ve never come across Mai-HiME (the anime, I mean) had its odd capitalisation not confounded me completely.

                      I remember being confused (and not knowing whether “Mai Hime” or “Mai-Hime” or “Mai-HiME” was right) and trying to find it out.

                      As for that little piece of fanfiction I mentioned earlier, I was rather fascinated with the premise, and made something of it, I guess. Incidentally, that also happened to be my first piece of fanfiction. =)

                      Aw, but I don’t want to poke Muse-chan!
                      And it’s not because I fear her wrath either, what made you think that!
                      *pokes author experimentally*
                      See? This is infinitely better.

                      o.o

                      But then how will you know my thoughts on That Scene™? -____-

                      *laugh*
                      And that’s true. We (as writers) are collectively affected by Muse-chan’s fickleness. =P
                      What really frustrates me is when my characters refuse to do what I tell them to. -_______-
                      *is so whipped by Muse-chan*

                      *snigger*
                      *trots off*
                      *turns and wields the awesome naginata*
                      Heh heh heh.
                      *continues nefarious plotting*

                      And yeah, what you said with factual visual points make sense. Because anything else, it’d only be mere speculation on our part. Even though yes, some may be more “in character” and more reasonable and acceptable, but all they are are simply speculations.

                      I did mention some “Natsuki would’ve/might’ve been feeling like this…” things, and I wasn’t looking to convince you of what I think actually happened, and it was more of a “hey-this-is-what-I-think-so-what-do-you-think-about-it-and-maybe-we-can-sort-of-see-if-we-can-somehow-combine-our-ideas-to-see-if-they-might-make-even-more-sense” kind of thing.

                      But of course, I did have some “factual visual points” too, and really, as you said, Sunrise didn’t give a lot to us to work with.

                      Back to the forum bit– beyond not wanting to get into (possibly) petty arguments with illiterates (I don’t mind discussions with people who can write properly and carry an argument properly and maturely though) I’m just the lurking type of person on forums and whatnot. Don’t like to participate in those things all that much. And I’m more for one-on-one discussions anyway. It’s too distracting doing it on a forum, since I tend to write rather long responses. And I’m not going to waste my time doing that when I don’t know whether someone else will respond or not. And especially when I don’t know if the other person’s just going to give me a one-line response.

                      -I

                    5. > I don’t really like corresponding with illiterate people on the Internet. Glaring grammatical mistakes and misspellings drive me batty. (And me being “batty” really isn’t a good idea…)

                      I understand. I’m a lurker myself. However, I remember running across a thread by accident when I was looking for something on SA, and they were indeed going on about those issues (inside a thread about someone’s fanfic, unfortunately). I only skimmed a few posts since the thread wasn’t what I was looking for, and there were a few illiterates, but I remember that a couple people had good posts–specifically Kieli’s, I think. You might try to find it, since at least Kieli writes well, right? ^_^; It’s probably a dead thread by now.

                      > But then how will you know my thoughts on That Scene™?
                      Well, when the context arrives, you could link back to the comment, I suppose. But… to be honest… I probably won’t care what people think of what I wrote or what they think of That Scene™ unless it appears (a) I forgot a factual scene or (b) I wrote people out of character or (c) whatever I wrote doesn’t flow well, etc. Degenerating into possibly circular and probably speculative argument over characters’ mindsets without a lot of factual backup is something I don’t want in this journal. ^_^; It’s not that I feel I’m the omniscient/omnipotent author or something; my feeling is, outside the creative process, if people disagree or feel strongly about a certain point, they should write about it themselves.

                      That’s actually what I’m doing with Syncope–I really dislike the whole “confession” bit so I’m putting a different spin on their relationship.

                      Hm, I managed to write one page of 1.10 last night, but I was feeling sick so I had to put it aside, sadly. Naturally, I stopped just before the talky bit which I expect to kick my arse. ^^; Muse-chan is mean to me.

                    6. Kieli? I’m not familiar with this person or with this person’s writing? I am sort of presuming that Kieli writes fanfiction also? Or maybe you just meant “writing” as in the written word.

                      *clapclap*
                      Yay, one page down. =)
                      Personally, I find it miraculous if I ever write a thousand to two thousand words at one go. Those are really, really rare. I work in “spurts”, I suppose. Sometimes I just have to drop a project for months before I can resume again and get in the proper mindset.

                      Ack. “Resume again”. Way to go. -_____-
                      *kills tautology*

                      *yawn*
                      Je suis fatiguée.
                      I’ll probably get to 1.6 tomorrow.

                      *grins a bit*
                      I was just teasing with the omnipotent/omniscient thing, so you don’t have to think that I think that’s how you think of yourself or something.

                      I’m also trying to come up with an idea for an omake, but I am unfamiliar with the idea of coming up with an idea and suggesting it to someone else (i.e. you since you said you were open to ideas for that). -___- But I’m also rather decadent, so…

                      -I

                    7. Ah, if you re-skim my Squib #1, about the part that says “the first three pieces of fan fiction I ever read in full”… Yeah. Kieli’s piece was one of them. (And I checked for the SA thread I was talking about. It was about another one of the three fanfics I mentioned, so I was probably searching for more from that writer, I guess.)

                      Hey, you put question marks in all the wrong places. :P

                      I don’t think I’ve ever written a long section of a chapter or a whole chapter in one go, and I don’t have a minimum word count or anything… though I noticed that I check the final “print preview” page count before I upload anything. ^_^; I think that’s a bad habit.

                      The word “tautology” makes me think of pantyhose.
                      And “decadent” makes me think of chocolate, hands down. ^_^; (Don’t make me write something disgusting about chocolate.) Otherwise, suggest away. For example: Maybe I left a bit of background somewhere too unclear or assumed too much, so I can write an entire flashback omake chapter about it. Or something utterly fluffy.

                      On the other hand, I still haven’t been able to write something completely pointless yet, I think. Hmmm.

                    8. Aw, you’re not helping with the “comment squishing”. Aren’t you curious about whether our words will be squished into nothingness?

                      Oooohhh, you’re psychic. =)
                      I was just about to ask you if you’d mention what the three pieces of fanfiction that you read in full were, since I forgot which entry it was in. And it’s a pain in the backside trying to find it, since the search option does not work.

                      Hey, you put question marks in all the wrong places. :P

                      Yeees, and no. I was going for the tentative/hesitant/unsure tone. =) Though, admittedly, it does get very annoying when people do that over and over again.

                      o_O

                      “Tautology” makes you think of pantyhose…?

                      Pleonasms make me think of Natsuki’s lingerie collection. *grin* </tease>

                      *pause*
                      “Decadent” reminds me of Cabaret, actually.

                      Haha, I love both fluffy and melancholic fanfiction.

                      *stabs the stupid Mai-HiME ending*
                      The Glomp™ was the best thing in that episode.
                      Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the extended episode. Curses.

                      The problem right now is trying to come up with an idea that revolves around Shiznat-ness instead of having an omake on a secondary character… because, I suppose, the Nari thing could go somewhere.

                      What has left me rather traumatised was how I recently discovered that the Fia that Nari’s based on was voiced by a seiyuu I like. -_________-

                      Oh, and by the way? I don’t think your timeline is particularly squished. I mean, well, I haven’t written anything I liked that I visibly divided into “chapters” before (usually it’s just scenes and whatnot) so I’m not particularly sure, but what I’m trying to say is how I don’t think it’s rushed. Things are happening at a reasonable time, and you really can’t expect a book to be like “real life” in that you’d actually write about uneventful days and just go through daily routines and whatnot. On a “logical” standpoint, I suppose it is rushed, but what I mean is, from a writing standpoint, it’s okay.

                      Ah, if you re-skim my Squib #1…

                      *waves a bit*
                      Oh, and I don’t skim your non-“Syncope” posts. I read them through, and usually read all of the comments unless I see that people are talking like with alot of grammatic errors or mispellings.

                      P.S. Why have you switched to italicising the title of your fanfiction instead of using quotation marks recently (i.e. in the last few posts)?

                      -I

                    9. Okay, FINE. Sheesh. [replies directly] At least I have a widescreen LCD. ^_^ Actually, I wonder if the journal would force horizontal scrolling. I haven’t decided if that’s more annoying than three words per line, though.

                      Someone posted a link to a Youtube video of the extended ending; it’s somewhere… in one of the comments… somewhere. ^_^;; I don’t actually remember the details anymore.

                      Well, both omakes already are “ShizNat,” I suppose. I was considering one for Nao, actually, but that wouldn’t be for a while.

                      > What has left me rather traumatised was how I recently discovered that the Fia that Nari’s based on was voiced by a seiyuu I like.
                      No comment. ^_^; I tend not to remember seiyuu anyway.

                      > Oh, and by the way? I don’t think your timeline is particularly squished… I don’t think it’s rushed… On a “logical” standpoint, I suppose it is rushed, but what I mean is, from a writing standpoint, it’s okay.

                      Yeah, I think the pacing itself is fine, but… well, people will see what I mean when I get to the last chapter of Part 1. It’ll suck. ^_^;;; [coughs]

                      > P.S. Why have you switched to italicising the title of your fanfiction instead of using quotation marks recently (i.e. in the last few posts)?

                      Because I’m quite inconsistent that way? :D I do both. The italicize/underline/double-quote rule for titles is one that escaped me over the years. I think I’ll do quotes if those are more proper.

                    10. Eh, a lot of the Mai-HiME and the Mai-Otome stuff (and anything else by Sunrise, really) got deleted since Sunrise requested it be withdrawn since it was “used without permission”. That irked me somewhat, since I wanted to watch Witch Hunter Robin.

                      But eh, I would probably be really, really annoyed if I were from Sunrise, actually. So I’m just being hypocritical. ^^;

                      I like Nao in my odd little way, but mostly, I don’t really focus on her or give her that much attention.
                      *looks around thoughtfully*
                      It might have something to do with her homophobia.

                      Well, from what I understand… things like poetry or short stories or incomplete works have quotation marks around them, and complete works (usually longer things, I suppose) are italicised, or well, underlined, if it’s handwritten.

                      But of course, I don’t quite follow that rule and I often go around italicising songs when I should probably be slapping quotation marks around them.

                      That reminds me, it really cracked me up when I saw that some people have referred to quotation marks as “those floating comma things”.

                      *waves a little flag*
                      I think certain seiyuu are awesome.
                      But that reminds me of how badly traumatised I was (again) when I heard Chiba Saeko’s “high” voice. Chiba Saeko’s Natsuki’s seiyuu, by the way, just in case you forgot who’s who.
                      It’s just that I was trying to think of Natsuki having that… high-pitched voice and I was feeling rather o_O;;, mostly for Shizuru’s sake.

                      -I

                    11. > Sunrise
                      Oh, I see. Well, I have no problem with that. ^_^; Studio should be able to do that. I suppose fan fiction is illegal or something, though, right? I’m buying the Mai-HiME DVDs, but it’s taking me a while (poor student and all that). But I do have the first three now!

                      (Nao’s “homophobia”? You mean that mocking comment she made to Shizuru at the cliff?)

                      Oh, I know! I’ll just italicize, underline, AND put double-quotes around the title. That’ll work. ^_^

                      “Syncope”

                    12. *complains*
                      I really don’t like the layout. =\

                      I miss the old one already.
                      *laments on its passing*

                      Well, yeah, of course the studio should be able to do that, but it still kind of irks me. ^^;
                      (Woe is me! *melodramatic*)

                      Frankly, I get really annoyed with the disclaimers. I mean, duh, it’s kind of obvious the characters aren’t so-and-so’s.
                      Can’t they just have one all inclusive disclaimer, say, on the author’s profile?

                      I mean, when you really get down to it, even having a disclaimer isn’t much help, is it? It doesn’t stand, legally, anyway. At least, that’s what I think…

                      Regarding Nao’s homophobia:
                      Yup. Paraphrased: “So the rumours are true. You’re carrying on a sick and depraved relationship with her.”

                      *smiles wryly*
                      You’re mangling your own fanfiction’s title.

                    13. Ahahahaha! It seems like LiveJournal is both squishing everything down AND forcing horizontal scrolling.

                      *grins amusedly*

                    14. Shush, I’m still playing with layout. :P
                      I don’t recall Nao said that much explicitly at all; but it could just be the translation. I mean, if fansubs were translating “omoi” as “love”… Oh well.

                    15. The subs probably didn’t say as much either; I was going by my impression of what she said, basically. ^^;

                      But I’m sure “so the rumours are true” was a part of it.

                      It was… kind of satisfying seeing Kiyohime squish Juliet, actually.

                      But then, Nao doesn’t deserve to have her mama taken away from her.

                      Come to think of it, Nao is rather pitiable.

                      The evil nun started the whole thing anyway.

                      It was just unfortunate for Natsuki to have been the one who was first deceived by her.

                      *raises hand*
                      It was “omoi” –> “affections”, actually.
                      But yeah, I know what you mean.

                      I realise I haven’t given you a proper (daily) dose of my superior naginata-poke-inducing skills.
                      *demonstrates rather gleefully*

                      I bribed Shizuru with ten crates of a limited edition Kewpie mayonnaise in order to use her naginata extensively.

                    16. Yes, it was all the evil nun. Or rather, that guy who pulled her strings. Well, she was so demn weak-minded. And Natsuki running off like that… [sigh] I suppose she thought a nun was more trustworthy than a Nao. ^_^;

                      Hell no, no one wields choppy thing better than Shizuru! And I don’t see why/how Shizuru could be bribed with mayo, you know.

                    17. :3

                      Think of who she could… bribe persuade to do certain things, with her limited edition Kewpie.

                      Shizuru has a bigger reason than a certain blue-haired girl to get her little kaichou paws on the Kewpie.

                      Haha, the moron who made the Evil Nun™ fall in love with him couldn’t get her to fall out of love. It’s so funny knowing that he could get sparklied at any moment.

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