*Please comment only on this and previous chapters to avoid spoiling.
(I probably shouldn’t be posting late at night without another read-through, but oh well.)
First, thanks to everyone who replied to research questions. It’s very much appreciated (and may even help other Mai-HiME writers).
What the crep? This whole thing was supposed to be just a transition scenario of about a page long before [blahblah]… and then I slowed the pace down to sort of match the first part (I think?). And here we have it! Something that’s five times longer than it should be. Ha ha ha ha. The only positive thing that might come of this is that the whole thing will end up being longer. Duurrrr.
I’m not sure I got Reito down because, honestly, I don’t remember his character so well. He just struck me as bland and therefore my mind just half-ignored him, maybe. ^^; Hmm. Unfortunately, what few eps I still have are when he’s OL and not Reito.
I have to admit that I really liked the opening paragraph. Buahaha.
As for Nari’s official post–I have noooo idea about the structure of Japanese student councils so I just totally made that up (got a better suggestion? I can still change it). At first I was going to cast her as the treasurer, then realized I might have to write dialogue about accounting (NO WAY). Frankly, inventing a new character is going to be easier than trying to stay in-character for someone I didn’t pay much attention to, I guess. Sorry, everyone.
What else? Internet paragraph formatting without indents is weird, and I don’t like how HTML paras automatically add the line space, since such things don’t appear in normal text editors when you use indents. I might upload the RTF version of Syncope (much) later.
I suspect I just added more confusion without clarifying anything from the first part. Whoops. Mock my lack of plot experience, please, but I will say that some things will be addressed in later specific scenarios. :(
SPECIAL EDITS: 02/2011
I’ve gone through and edited chaptes 1.1 and 1.2 as I meant to do, specifically cleaning up the bad narrative parentheticals. A special thanks to nonpresence and Anonymous from the old LJ account. I had forgotten, I think, to mention something about the 24-hour clock in Japan. In a few places throughout Syncope, I use so-called “military time.” This is because I knew that Japan and the rest of the world outside the United States operate primarily on the 24-hour clock. It wasn’t until recently that I learned actual spoken Japanese allows the 12-hour clock and am/pm differentiation (but how standard this is, I don’t know). Since it doesn’t seem to be a hard and fast rule, I think I’ll just leave the spoken 24-hour notation for now.